Heal My Thunder

There are many learning curves throughout this process. The one I am appreciating now is how speaking up about how you are feeling will secure your chances of receiving the help you need. [This is not advice, just results based on trial and error with my physiology, medication, and treatment. This is graphic and honest and if you don't want to know these personal details don't read] My first week was rough, In one week I started a pain management, tramadol, to replace my advil.  This change to look after my kidneys which will be taking a toll on radiation. Results: Migraines and extreme fatigue and almost a subtle delirium ( I felt so confused all the time.) I started Chemo day one also and Radiation. So tough to know what symptom is causing what when you're on 5 different meds and two treatments. My First weekend was horrible. Saturdays. Saturdays are my day of misery. Who gets anxious about Saturdays? This Crone. Just out of it. I couldn't get out of bed. So ...

Oh My FREAKING GOODNESSSSSSS That was a hard weekend. I dont even think Im ready to talk about it. Anxious, Achy, Sick, Tired, Miserable.  But thats not Today!  I ssssssshowered this morning.  Styled my hair!  FUCKING ACCOMPLISHiNG It's hard to stay body positive. I can't really shave right now, so I am having to embrace my hair. I actually did that.  Proof of Self Love.  It feels really good to look at these photos. Affirming.  This was Saturday. I was not in a good way. Luna tucked me in and gave me so many kisses. So many.  This morning she got dressed and packed up for the road with her Grammy and Papa.  What a beautiful girl! My beautiful girl getting glammed up and accessorised.  She was still in a great mood!  Luna is so Fancy. Packed and ready to go see her cousins on the Coast!  ...

Children are intuitive. Luna has been very cuddly and loving. Trying to bring me water and food alot. She is still energetic and rowdy and has to be reminded to be careful with my body as I'm sorry nauseous and very tired. So she hurts me easily. But how loving she is.  Needing to know her mummy is close.  How I want to be close with her for as long as I can.  Cuddled up back to back she suckles on her bottle. A sound I'm so in love with right now. Her warmth I am so in love with. 

I get Radiation everyday, Monday - Friday This is my radiation Machine! That red ring I hold tight to my chest for the occasional Panic attack and also so I don't move at all what so ever!  I thought I had a nicer bum than that but, okay fine! CHECK OUT MY TAIL THOUGH OMG My tail brings all the boys to the yard and there like.... damn girl My beautiful Mum took me to my first chemo and radiation Day. 

I go for chemo once a week.   Chemo comes in this Brown Bag. Looks so gross! Check out my machine! I wheel this puppy around with one hand now! Walk around the hood, the wing.

MY TASTE JUST WENT. Chicken tastes like..... tinfoil. :'( This Thanksgiving dinner has been..... foiled. ;)

It was in the spring, May and I was having some unusual feminine issues. Not the best for sharing, but for the sake of possibly helping other woman in my situation.... I thought I had a ..... Candida overload in the lower bits. Trying to work around saying it... Feminine issues always seem so mortifying and horrible and embarrasing and hard to talk about. Feelings of being gross, and judged. Its overwhelming. I was put on antibiotics three times, and the fourth time I brought up web MD and how this symptom could be related to cancer - asking to make sure. She decided to do a pap test to ease my mind. Cervical cancer takes along time to develop I had a clean Pap 2.5 years ago and I wasn't due. Im very young for that threshold so it would be rare and unusual as well as its not a common symptom.  Sure enough first glance she was alarmed, did the pap test and sent off a referral to colposcopy (early cancer detection for cervical cancer)  In my sit-in mee...